Ihor Pidhainy

Take a natural disaster,
Pick anyone you want,
But make it last a very long time.
Let’s take Covid for $500
And spend six months
In fear and seclusion and boredom.

Start with starter
(You can buy the starter online – they deliver)
Flour and water and rest for a day,
Add more flour and water and sit for a day,
Feed twice daily for three days,
Feed once more and you’re ready.

So now we make the bread,
As long as the disaster is still ongoing
And you’ve ordered your 50 lbs of rye flour
(it will last for years – trust me)
And you haven’t fallen in love
Or had to take the kids to emergency.

Add water, salt and flour to the starter.
Use a large bowl (not one the dog drinks from)
Mix thoroughly, by hand if you wish,
Let autolyze (rest for 30 minutes or so under a cloth/plastic).

Start stretching and folding
(you can knead instead).
Your hands might get sticky,
But rinse with warm water.
Let the batter rest for half an hour.
Do it twice or thrice more,
And place it in a bowl under a cloth.
Then go to bed,
Or meditate for six to twelve hours;
And as you stretch in the morning,
And return from two stops short Nirvana,
Take out your dough and make it a ball.
Then back to the bowl
(but floured this time)
And stick in the fridge
And go back to bed,
Or run a marathon,
Or drive six hours in any direction,
Then drive home.

When you get back,
Turn on the stove,
And Heat to 500.
Take your Dutch oven (just bought from the store)
And place it into the stove.
Then pull out your bowl and take your ball of dough
And rest it on parchment,
And cut it, like a gangster in a 70s flick,
Leaving a long, crisscrossing scar.

Then figure a way to get dough on parchment
Into your hot Dutch oven,
(Not for the faint of heart)
And bake with lid in for 20 minutes.
Remove the lid, turn down the heat a tiny bit,
and bake until brown, 15 or 20 minutes more.
Remove and let rest.

You’ve done it!
Pour yourself a Guinness,
Make yourself a coffee,
Call your mother
And all your friends.

Then go back to bed,
It’s been a busy week.

On Making Sourdough Bread

Ihor Pidhainy