HOW TO EXPERIENCE ROSEMARY S’MORES
a guide for grandmothers
nelly woodhead
While the original is always a tasty standby, most people have never thought to challenge the limits of the s’more.
—So Much S’more to Do, Becky Rasmussen
Purchase several boxes of graham crackers, along with packages of regular-sized marshmallows, extra big marshmallows, chocolate-filled marshmallows, and strawberry-flavored marshmallows, plus long bars of milk and dark chocolate. Stuff all the ingredients in a huge shopping bag, burying the strawberry-flavored marshmallows in the bottom of the bag so that they are nearly impossible to find during s'more-making.
While there is still some daylight, ask your spouse to help you wrestle a few hay bales out of the barn and arrange them around the fire pit. Cover the hay bales with estate sale quilts and supplement with uncomfortable metal lawn chairs that collapse if s’more preparers sit in them improperly.
Once the s’more enthusiasts are settled, monitor your spouse as he gets the fire going. He’ll check the wind direction so that he can place the s’more-making materials near the seats that will be downwind from the fire, maximizing the inhalation of smoke.
Pass around the collection of s’more sticks you’ve acquired over several shopping trips, including sticks that resemble fencing sabers and others mimicking pitchforks.
If needed, remind the gathered family members that polite marshmallow toasters don’t allow their marshmallows to touch another roaster’s pillowy, crispy treat in the effort to get the treasure the ideal distance from the fire. Watch them wait patiently for their turn near the flames as they try to dodge the smoke.
Once the fire loses some of its enthusiasm, a granddaughter should add more fuel from the bag of kindling that your spouse brought from the barn for this purpose.
If the smoke then starts smelling like rosemary, listen as your spouse fields questions about the contents of the kindling bag, and show no surprise when he explains that the bag holds sticks of the savory, aromatic herb.
Recline casually as the rosemary smoke blows into the faces of some of the s’more makers, and observe as they cough vigorously before they squish the marshmallows into their s’mores and consume them without reservation, seemingly appreciative of the special rosemary-infused taste of the campfire staple.
Keep in mind that arachnids and flying insects are partial to the scent of rosemary. If your son-in-law is stung on his back as he leans forward in rosemary-enhanced smoke to toast a marshmallow, you and your spouse can give him unsolicited advice on insect stings as the other family members abandon the s’more-making in order to hunt down and smash into pulp any tiny creature in the vicinity regardless of its involvement in the attack.
nelly woodhead
is an author based in Texas. She writes about rural landscapes, mother-daughter relations, and the consequences of hoarding. Her work appears in Sheepshead Review, Al Dente, Miracle Monocle, and Witcraft.